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Geez [Sep. 7th, 2004|12:03 pm]
So i figured out how to update from my phone. Took forever and now i am tired and im going to bed. Interesting though...
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The words of another because I'm tired(lazy?). [Jul. 18th, 2004|12:27 pm]
Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day,
to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.
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FINALLY [Jan. 10th, 2004|11:07 pm]
Got my own place. It's on the ave on the top of the hill which is perfect. Really rad couple named ross and angela are my roommates. Very cool house. Oh yeah lisa.... get your ass over here I'm lonely. Seriously.
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Quick Update [Nov. 20th, 2003|12:24 pm]
Got a job at Noah's bagels... and probably another at good old jamba... so that's good
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News... [Nov. 14th, 2003|01:36 pm]
Yeah I kinda moved to Seattle this week... hmmm that's strange.
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legato [Oct. 31st, 2003|01:43 am]
[state |contemplativecontemplative]

i get these urges to sort of paint my emotions with words. The problem is that as articulate as I allegedly may be... I can't. This is of course because words lack the full capacity to be as abstract as shapes and colors. Even music falls short of this. My frustration lies in the reality that I am not a painter or anything of that sort. I have a way with words and sounds. I see things in my mind's eye but I am limited by my inferior artists hand to invoke them on a canvas. Sometimes I don't really want to be descriptive and indulge in self exploration in a descriptive manner. Instead, I'd rather just not think and move paints across a backdrop until I feel release. Somehow I think the piano would be the instrument that comes closest to this feeling. It has a sort of fluid feel as you move your fingers across the keys reminiscent of painting. Perhaps it is the pianos ability to play legato better than any other instrument really can, to place one note closer to another than most instruments. Sadly, I am not very prolific on the piano.

I watch the world through the window of the television, through the window of the eyes of people I meet/experience and through my own. It is a very sad place we live in. I am whelmed by the sea of troubles I cannot hold back. They are not my troubles, but our troubles and yet I feel this sort of responsibility to bear them. My heart breaks for us tonite.
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Your tears are only alibis [Oct. 13th, 2003|04:49 am]
[state |pensivepensive]
[audible frequencies |sprinklers outside...]

Something Vague- conner oberst

Now and then it seems worse than it is,
but mostly the view is accurate.
You see your breath in the air
while you climb up the stairs
to that coffin you call your apartment.
And you sink in your chair,
brush the snow from your hair
and drink the cold away.
You are not really sure
what you are doing this for
but you need something to fill up the days.
A few more hours.
There is a dream in my brain
that just won't go away.
It has been stuck there since it came a few nights ago
I'm standing on a bridge
in the town where I lived
as a kid with my mom and my brothers.
And then the bridge disappears
and I'm standing on air
with nothing holding me.
And I hang like a star,
fucking glow in the dark,
for all those staring eyes to see,
like the ones we've wished on.
But now I'm confused.
Is this death really you?
Do these dreams have any meaning?
No. No, I think it is more like a ghost
that has been following us both.
Something vague that we are not seeing,
something more like a feeling.
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(no subject) [Aug. 20th, 2003|02:55 am]
[state |tiredtired]
[audible frequencies |Death Cab for Cutie- pictures in an exhibition]

I miss her and it's awful... I don't have the option to be impulsive and run to her... which is probably good because give the chance I most likely would... I just don't like not know how this will resolve itself and the situation requires more faith from me than I would like. Sometimes I forget that I have a girlfriend because the concept is so foreign to me... And then I remember and I smile and then of course sigh with discontent because she lives in huntington beach now... Most people would say well that's that, but she's seriously so amazing I'd be foolish to let her go. I feel ripped off because just as I was beginning to be able to open up my heart and really let her in, she moved away. The phone reminds me of drinking capri suns in elementary school; just below enough to tide you over till later. We are so perfect for each other... and I'm not just saying that. We are ridiculousy compatible. But there's this horrible geography issue. I can't just move to huntington but then I can't very well just stay here and miss her terribly. So I will visit her more than my pocketbook would like and she will visit me in the same regard and maybe I'll move to somewhere closer or maybe we'll both move somewhere else. Although, what's most important to me is that she fulfills her dreams and that she is happy. I just wish I could be by her side and be more sure of myself and us. I'm not sure about these things, I just kinda have this intuition aside from the obvious things that point to us being right for eachother. I don't know it's just this peace underneath all the unsure feelings.

A few reasons why she's a keeper:

She remembers the code from contra so that you never die

She hooked me in by playing "Just Like Heaven" by the Cure slow and beautiful on an acoustic guitar

She busted out Mr. Big one night when we were playing guitar

Come on, we play guitar together and sing with each other

Seriously, she's amazing... And why she loves me and supports me and admires me so effortlessly, I have no idea. But she does and to find all the amazing things I find in her is simply priceless. I just wish I was with her so I could more readily enjoy such things... I miss her.
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I found this girl and she's cute and she likes me [Aug. 8th, 2003|03:13 am]
[state |lovedloved]
[audible frequencies |the cure]

Wow I have no idea what to say. And this live journal is the most crude medium to write down what happened and what I'm feeling so all I have to say is... meow
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Cognitive Dissonance [Aug. 3rd, 2003|04:44 am]
[state |pensivepensive]
[audible frequencies |the cure- just like heaven (acoustic)]

So he said to me as I searched her face, "What are you looking for?"

"what?" I said

"What are you looking for?" He said again. "You keep looking for something, what is it?"

The scene froze around me and all the noise died out, making everyone look funny as their mouths moved without noise. My mind began to spin, not out of control but methodically, searching for the answer.

"I don't know." I replied

It's almost as though the momentum of searching within my mind had continued while the essence of myself had stopped to survey it's destination. If you have ever used an exercise bike it's much the same. The wheels continue, going nowhere, long after you stop pedaling. In racing to the next moment for so long, I never thought of what I would do when I actually reached the finish line.
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